Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
