I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
