I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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