She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I lost the right to judge tonight
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
