Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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