never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
