I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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