i permit you to call me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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