My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
