worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
