Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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