i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize