One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
