My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
