Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize