Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you inspire me to be a worse person
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
