So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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