So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
