How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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