So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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