her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
