i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
