wakey wakey hands off snakey
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
