Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
