she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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