even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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