why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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