i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
