but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
