the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
my being single is dangerous.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
