I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
