I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
