i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
