so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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