Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
