The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
