i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm passing your future prison.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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