He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
