I just threw up on my dentist
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
