Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
