Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
