So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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