are you still at the devil's house?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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