Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
