I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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