I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
