I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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