What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
