I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
