every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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