she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
