I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
