Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
