Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
