the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We are two peas in an std pod
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
