: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
