it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
