she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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