once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize