someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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