At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
