doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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