I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
