life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
