took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
