party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
two words: eviction party
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
