Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
