I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
