I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
