I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
