fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
