I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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